Happy Birthday

Today is Nan and my sisters birthday.  My sister is the BIG 30 and Nan well she's the little 74! Lol. Sister is having a birthday party this weekend and if it wasn't for the fact that I'd just come back from Australia I'd have gone to her birthday. 

Nan didn't want to do anything for her birthday.  We were thinking of heading to lunch but she said no sooo we decided to bring lunch to her.  J and Aunty Arelene picked up some cooked chicken, fresh rolls and some salad.  We also had a really good chocolate cake.  Poppa picked up some sparking champagne for Nan which when we all had cake we enjoyed a small glass.  It was good. Even Papa enjoyed it and he's more of a beer drinker.

I'm glad we decided to have a little lunch for Nan.  Adam wanted to take her to dinner but she's definitely not a going out to dinner kind of person but we enjoyed cake and had a fun birthday lunch with just the 6 of us. 

Happy Birthday to the two Mereana's in my life.  Love you guys!

Road Trip

Today cousin and I decided to go to Kaitaia. We were going to leave in the morning but Papa needed the car. It was 1230 by the time we left.  We made good time and managed to get to Kaitaia around 2pm. We totally stopped in at McDonald's where I broke my fast with McDonald's.  Soo totally worth it.  

Stopped in to meet and see some of my cousins friends for an hour before we decided last minute that we'd head out to the beach. Hopped into this big old massive van then off to the beach we went.  I have no idea why we went to the beach.   As beautiful as it was, all we did was drive on the beach. People watch for all of 30 minutes before we left to head back to Whangape.

Smashed back fish and chips for dinner before.  Some random Maori's gave us some fish to take home only to find out when we got it that it was a head haha!  That went into the bin because Papa wouldn't want to eat that.  

All in all an awesome day and as much as my cousin is all up in my space it's been nice getting to know him and spending time together.

Boring AF Day

Today was a boring day! Like actually, do nothing and be bored kinda day.

Nan and I went out to run errands. She needed some stuff at the supermarket and then she wanted to get my cousin a drink bottle. Five million shops later and we managed to find a 8L crazy expensive one at Hunting and Fishing.

I'm still feeling a bit sad about the whole thing that happened last night but I'm taking the break for the next little while and see how it goes over the next couple days.

Nan and I also grabbed some pork, fruit and little nick nacks from the supermarket.

Like I said, a boring day! Lol. Here's hoping tomorrow is a better one. Oh, and we had boil up for dinner. It was so good.

Judge Judy

I'm far from perfect and I'm the first to admit that I've made bad choices in my life. I've done things I'm not proud of and I've hurt people who didn't deserve it.

What I am guilty of though is caring too much for people. I have never been one to judge someone based on the choices they're making or the things they choose to do in their life. I am however that sort of friend who will listen to you day in and day out as you moan about the same shit for the millionth time. I'll hurt when you're sad and having a rough time. If you hate someone we totally both hate them. When you're hurt and sad I hurt for you. I'll listen to you for hours on end, giving the same advice I've given to you already and watch you go through the same shit only to have the same outcome as the previous times before but I still won't judge you. I'm the supportive, always there for you friend. That's me!

Tonight my heart took a stab of hurt when someone I cared about and have been there for a million times over decided it was her place to judge me on the choices I'm making. She used past experiences to shine a light on the fact that the people I keep in my life or choose to see aren't "right" for me. I felt like I had to justify my life and or reasoning to her but at the same time I had this feeling of anger and hurt.

I let her know how I felt but I knew if we continued on with the conversation it wouldn't end well. Her reply was what I expected sooo I took a step back, didn't reply and left it. I'm sad and hurt but perhaps it was something that needed to happen for the good of our friendship.

There's a big difference between being honest and being judgmental. Give me your advice and opinion but do not judge me as a person.  Be there as my friend as I have been for you. Sad day. I just need a hug and a break away.

Tornado J

When we got back from Australia J decided she wanted to put her clothes away and managed to throw everything into whatever container it would fit it. I did offer to help but she wanted to do it on her own. We've since been back 3 weeks maybe and I'm only just getting onto her room and clothes.

I donated a lot of things that didn't fit and also put away a lot of her jackets. She doesn't need them because it's disgustingly muggy hot here yet she likes to tell me it's not. Once I'd gone through her stuff it was all in the hallway like a tornado had hit her room. Even Papa was all Woah, what tornado came through here.

Felt good getting it all done. I do need to go through her other draws though as she has a lot of stuff that she isn't using and hasn't used in the year we've been here so will try to do that later in the week.

Super productive day but happy J can get into her clothes easier and there aren't too many frumpy looking clothes that don't fit her. New year, new changes J all to go with that awesome haircut you're sporting.

Happy Birthday Poppa

Today it was Poppas birthday. J had gone with Arlene earlier in the morning as she's now watching her and picked up hours with J which will be good for both of them.

Around lunch time I made my way over for snacks, cake and to check out his scooter they were picking up earlier that morning.

They'd already started eating when I got there which was good because I really wanted to get in as long of a fast as I could.

Once we'd all eaten, caught up on the news and fun Poppa went outside to check out his scooter. The first thing he wanted to do was to make sure Sox (his dog) could fit in his little basket. Then when we went to take photos he's all, Wait, I need to take my hat off so people can see my new bald head haircut haha.

Such an awesome afternoon and it was fun to see Poppa driving around on his scooter. He's definitely going to have fun going down to the club on that.

Indecent Proposal

Today out of the blue I had a friend message with the most random indecent proposal. At the time my first thought was what the actual fuck? After I'd mulled it over in my head as well as messaging a gf to be all like WTF! I kinda felt "okay" about it. Not the offer, but the asking. Whether I take said friend up on this offer is a whole nother story. I first need to get over the shock of what was asked. I'm 90% sure I won't do it but us humans are all curious creatures and perhaps that curiosity will get the better of me.

After 6 weeks of not seeing each other I finally managed to go and see Cerise. It was totally a last minute visit as well.

We'd been messaging through the day and when we both shared our news of indecent proposals (must have been the day of it) I'm all I'm driving out.  It was so good to see the little girls. Lexis ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug. Rory girl was her usual shy self but then was all excited to show me everything she's been doing. I missed those girls.  It was good to catch up with Cerise and hear what each other had been up too.

We didn't have our usual snacks and wine which I'm okay with. Cerise had wine and food but my window was closed so I drank water. Feeling good and didn't feel like I was missing out. Won't lie, totally wanted a glass of wine but I was more proud that I didn't have any.

All in all a good day. Now to get some sleep as I need to take Adam to work for a 7am start. Zzz.

Guilt

I'm not sure what's going on with my sleep but I'm not sleeping at all and it's really getting to me. I'm waking every couple hours and even when I do sleep it's not deeply enough because come the next morning I'm exhausted. All I want to do is sleep but it's just not happening for me.

I also had plans to do nothing which didn't happen. Cousin needed a ride to work. I had to run a few errands for Nan and I also took J over to see her Poppa soo it was a busy than what I'd like to have had day.

Weigh in day today and I'm happy to report I'm down 1.4kgs which brings me 9.3kgs closer to my first goal weight so I'm super happy about that. I've been fasting a minimum of 20 hours which I'm finding okay. I don't get hungry and I don't feel like I'm over eating when it comes to opening my window. What I am finding though is that I probably need a shorter eating window. I'm going to stick with 20 hours for now and possibly look at changing it up in a few weeks.

Today I had every intention of getting out for a walk. I had planned to go this morning but I was tired so planned to go later in the evening. On top of the no sleep my body has been achy sore. Not specifically from the walking but I think a mix of everything that it's really getting to me. I said I'd go after dinner but M said I needed to take a break before I injured myself. I felt guilty for taking a break because I felt like I'd had a break when I went to hospital. I was wrong. M told me off and said that wasn't a break it was surgery. As guilty as I was feeling I took the break and didn't head out for my walk. It was sad not seeing green but I knew M was right. I needed the break.

Hoping to get out tomorrow. Whether or not that happens is always like I say.. a different story. Haha.

Day of Rest

I feel like I'm letting the stress of everyone being here get to me when really I shouldn't. It's nice having family here but I guess when you feel like they're all up in your space it makes you feel like you're claustrophobic in your own room.

Managed to sneak out for a walk by myself this morning. I needed it. It rained, I had loud music and I smashed out a good 3.3km walk. I'm doing the same loop pretty much and I'm getting faster which is good.

Food wasn't so bad. I closed my window half an hour later than I should have but I'll make up for it and fast a little longer tomorrow but have a shorter eating window.

Took cousin to run errands this morning because he starts work tomorrow and needed work crap. It was another day of stuff for everyone day.

I had plans to do laundry and veg in front of the TV but none of that happened. I also have to be up tomorrow at 630am to drop said cousin to work. I don't mind helping but sometimes the break would be awesome.

My body has been achy the last couple days I think I need to do more stretching before and after I go for my walks.

All in all a boring day! I did sneak in an ice cream anddd 2 chit chat biscuits today too. Not good but hey, ate them in my window so I'm totally okay with that.

All About The F's

Today was all about the fitness and the food. I had 2 days where I didn't get out for any exercise. Sure I managed maybe 1000 steps but it wasn't nearly as much as the 10,000 I'd have liked so today I knew I wanted to really get out there.

Broke my fast around 2pm with salad and chicken. It was soo good. I threw everything I could find in the fridge into it.  We didn't have avocado so I added mayonnaise on the side and it's a good way to get in enough fat. I love chicken and I'd totally eat it everyday. 

Went for a quick 3.3km walk this afternoon but it was totally the wrong time to go. It was was too hot and muggy and I just about died in the heat. Won't be doing that again.

It was nearly time to close my window so I whipped up eggs, broccoli and added some tomatoes from the garden. Easy simple and super delicious. Also had watermelon right before closing my window. I don't feel like I ate too much but I may have eaten not enough. I will see how I go through till tomorrow and if need be I'll add more food into my window.

With my sleep still out of whack and on different time zones I'm not sleeping the best so had a quick 20 minute power nap before heading out for another walk. I needed to up my step count. I try to go for at least 6km and or 10,000 steps. Both if I can otherwise definitely 10,000 steps. The walk tonight pushed me over in both counts so I'm happy with that.

It's been an awesome day. Food and fitness have totally been on point today now to just stick to it.

Oh and I'm in the top 45% of the Map my run You vs 2018 challenge which is awesome.

Holy SHITake Mushrooms!

Today was such a shit day! At least it felt like it was. So much drama first thing in the morning that I honestly wanted to just cry at how angry I was feeling and how stupid the day was.

Morgz was meant to grab money for me which didn't happen because apparently I didn't need it. Then she got lost a few times trying to find my room and ringing me to find out where I was lol. Didn't help she was at 64 and not 74 haha.

Went to my CT scan which was all of 5 minutes then I waited 35 minutes for them to take me back up to my room when I could have walked up to my room in 2 minutes.

Get to my room and Morgz isn't there. She's got my phone so no clue where she is. Take a shower. Wait around for her only to find out later she went to see her Aunty in another ward whose sick which sucks but I'm glad she got to visit her.

Then come 1130am and I'm still waiting around to be discharged. Apparently the Dr's wanted to wait for CT results to discuss with me.

It was honestly just a shit day with too much stuff happening all at the same time. It stressed me out and I felt it was all a bit too overwhelming.

I was lucky M was around for me. I don't know what I would have done otherwise. I wanted to cry soo bad. Jokes. Laughing and smiles helped calm me some.

The only upside to the day was I got to spend some time with Denise. I've missed her so it was awesome to catch up. We got asked if we were cousins because apparently another nurse had said we were.

Once I was home I went straight to my room and spent 3 hours just vegging out on the bed. I needed peace and quiet after the crazy day. Oh and I felt sick after we stopped for BK. It was the only thing I ate today and never again will I eat it.

In other news... I honestly love ward 74! Best ward ever anddd I love Denise. Such an awesome person and I'm sooo glad we met. 

Surgical Madness

This morning was crazy.  Bren and Ismael came in to see me after their morning surgery. Scopped down my trachy. Said everything looked good that my talking was really awesome anddd then they decided to do surgery. Crazy. Half an hour later I was signing consent forms, meeting the anesthetist and I was wheeled downstairs for surgery.

My veins aren't the best. They collapse as soon as you put a line in. It always happens and I always feeling bad for the nurses who have to keep stabbing me to get a line in. They hate it but I'm so use to it. Once we'd got into the OR the anesthetist went to put a line in. Told him he needs the ultrasound machine and that my best vein is the one in my right arm. The cuff was on that arm so he tried the left. Didn't work but I knew it wouldn't.  Went for the right arm and it worked a charm. Told them they should have listened to me. Once that was in I was dead to the world.

Surgery was over and done with in an hour.

Don't remember any of it but I did wake up unsettled and uneasy which isn't good. I was crying for some stupid reason and my breathing was all crazy lol. Probably worked myself up into a frenzy.  The flap they did last time is still a bit bulky so they lasered it put in three sutures changed my trachy to a size 6 instead of a 7 and now we wait. I've got an in clinic appointment set for February 8th and then we go from there.

Once I was back in my room I had super low blood pressure. Checked twice in the space of an hour and it had gone from 90 to 85. I was dehydrated so smashed back 500ml of IV fluids in an hour and I'm on a 1L bag to get through at a slower rate. I'm also on humidified air which I'm always on when I'm here.

This afternoon when my nurse came around to do obs I wanted to check how accurate my heart rate was with the fitbit and the machine they have here anddd it's 100% on point. Nicely done. I wasn't sure if it would match but it totally did. Lol.

Things are slowly looking up which I'm super excited about. I still can't breath without the trachy but eventually once the majority of the bulkyness of the flap goes down we will look at capping the trachy and seeing if I can breath properly.  Home tomorrow so that will be awesome.

2018 is going to be amazing. I can't wait to see how it goes. It started off amazing and it's only going to get better. My Health both surgical and physical. Relationships. Friendships. Family. Lots of travel. Life can only get better from here.

WTF Wednesday

What a crazy stupid day!

I had no motivation to go anywhere today. I couldn't even be bothered going for a walk. By 830am I thought best get out now otherwise I'll regret not going. Got my shoes on grabbed Niko and away we went. I wanted to do 4kms but only managed 3.28km. I was a little disappointed but as a friend said, it's about the progress not the perfection. I think I tired Niko out though because he around the 2km mark he was getting all puffed out then when we did manage to get home all he wanted to do was sit and lay in my lap and die haha.

Papa went out this morning knowing that I had to use to car to come to Auckland. We were waiting all morning for him before I ended up having to get someone to pick me up and check on him. He wasn't locked out of the car like Nan thought but instead he was just watching the races. Nan was all angry haha. I was like, well... I only have to be at the hospital after 2pm so no rush. It was 130pm by the time we left Whangarei. We stopped and got gas in Wellsford as well as some food. Then back on the road to the hospital.

Arrived at the hospital around 430pm quickly came to see Denise before going to check myself in with front desk. You wouldn't believe it but I'm apparently not on the list for surgery tomorrow. I'm also not on the surgery list for the following week. It's been a huge big fuck around. No bed. No room. No surgery and I'm just sitting around like what in the fuck is going on. Called the surgeon and they're going to fit me in for Friday surgery. In the mean time I'll be here taking up a no bed space and bed when I didn't need to come down and I wasn't booked in.  It's just crazy because we had a full on conversation about the date of my surgery yet shit wasn't even booked in. It's hard not to be all angry spice about it but hey, least I'm here and they're managing to fit me in.

Such a crazy insane day. The upside is I'll have time to catch up on sleep anddd I have Netflix to keep me entertained. I think mostly I just want to sleep! For now, I'm resting up on Denise' lazy boy chair blogging this shit out and deciding if I go downstairs for chocolate haha.

Tuesday Ramblings

My cousin has pretty much moved into my room. His shit is everywhere. Clothes. Shoes. Razor. Rubbish. I spent the morning cleaning it. Unpacking my clothes and sorting his crap that I put into his bag and then threw the bag into the wardrobe. Out of sight, out of mind right?

Relaxed chilled out day today. Broke my fast around 1pm so got in a 19 hour fast which I'm happy with as I try to get in at least a 16 hour fast minimum.  Had lunch out with cousin and his partner. Best burger I've had in a while and I'm not usually a burger fan but will definitely have to go there again.

By the time I'd left for my morning walk I'd done 1km. I wasn't going to go out till later evening but because I was sitting around doing nothing I got up off my butt and managed a 4.3km walk. Even walked up this crazy hill that nearly killed me with my bad breathing haha. My goal is 6km and/or 10,000 steps minimum. I knew I'd go for a walk later this evening when J got home so didn't push myself too hard. I'd been home less than 30 minutes when J said she was ready to go for a walk. Damn. I won't lie, I totally wanted to rest but got my shoes on and off we went. Took Niko and got in a good 1.2km walk which upped my steps to the 10,000 I wanted.

Hospital tomorrow as well. Surgery isn't till Thursday but they do day before "check in". As weird as it sounds, looking forward to getting back there. Denise is still there so will be reallllly good to see her. Catch up with all my favourite nurses and make some new friends. I'm hoping that I'm only there till Friday but we shall see how that all pans out.

My calf muscles are a bit achy. Not painful sore just niggly, so much so that I ordered myself a foam roller. I can't wait for it to arrive. Stretching my legs myself isn't the same as continuous rolling. 

Fitness, Food and Fat

Today was an awesome day. Woke J up then the two of us along with Niko went for a walk. J wasn't so keen but she was okay once were out. It wasn't the longest walk but what counts is that we went out.

Home for some breakfast. I was still fasting but J made herself some eggs and a herbal tea. Trying to get the both of us back into cleaner better eating. I've been okay my side but need to be a lot better with J.

Had a lazy morning before I decided to get off of my butt and get in a proper walk. I decided to do the Map My Run, You VS 2018 challenge. Basically from January 1st to January 1st you walk/run/jog 1018km. Started this morning and walked 4.9kms. I wanted to do a little more but it rained so I planned to get out later in the evening.

Broke my fast today with some snack food as I knew we were headed over for dinner with Trevor and Arlene.  Watermelon. Kumara chips. Cheese. Jalepeno & Lime Hummus. Salami. Pickled Onion. Olive and smoke fish. J didn't want to go over to Trevor's at all. Even when we got there she had attitude of it was boring because she got into her mind today that she was going to be going to Australia with Aunty Mina. Crazy. Nice to catch up with Trevor and Arlene and enjoy a nice dinner that J helped to make.  Closed my fast at 6pm before heading home. J stayed over with Trevor. 

Got my fix of Shortland Street in before I got back out for a quick walk with Niko. I was going to do the loop end of our street but ended up heading towards town. Knocked out a quick 1.9kms which added to my total distance. It's been an amazing day fitness and food wise.

I'm totally about to be a Nana and enjoy a cup of plain tea before I shower and get into bed. I've got sore calf muscles and need to invest in a foam roller. Back out tomorrow for more walking. Loved seeing my steps going up. 

Feeling good about my health. Took new photos. Weighed myself and ready to smash out the next 12 weeks. We've got family photos coming up in July so need to look half decent for them.

No Day Of Rest

J and I got home around 3am this morning. Morgan picked us up while I drove us home. It felt like a really long drive for some reason but it was honestly soo good to get home. I'd misplaced my sim card in Australia but once we landed I'd seen that the Vodafone store was open and was able to pick up a replacement sim free of charge. Bonus!

I'd slept a couple hours before being woken up like, why are you sleeping on the couch. Haha. Didn't help people were sleeping in my bed. I tried to get some sleep in Nan's bed but couldn't so woke up and caught up with her and Nan which was nice. 930am rolled around and I was tired. Climbed into Nan's bed and ended up sleeping through my alarm which I set for 1130. Must have been more tired than I thought.

Lunch with a girlfriend today. Awesome catching up with her and then I spent the rest of the day/afternoon hanging with the family.

While I was in Aussie I picked myself up a Fitbit Blaze. Not from there, but ordered it from a store here in NZ. Charged it, set it up today and I LOVE it. I even went out for a walk with J and Adam just to make sure I loved my fitbit haha.

I need more sleep as well. I'm looking and feeling sooo tired. Bags under my eyes, it's not good. Back to drinking water and smashing out my health goals.

Ultimate goal, running!  Let's do this!