Happy Birthday

She will HATE this photo but hey she isn't going to know I put it up anyway but a BIG HUGE happiest of Birthdays to Nan today!  Her and my sister actually BUT loving that for the first time in ages I actually get to spend the day with Nan for her birthday and what makes it even better is Aunty Sharron and Jaimi are here with us as well.

Looking forward to celebrating and spending the day together.  Also looking forward to giving her her tablet as well.  I've been waiting for aaages now haha!  Well seems like ages hehe!

Fishing

Soo Nan had a family meeting in Kaitaia today and since I am her driving we all came up for the day and Aunty Sharon and I went out fishing with Uncle Alfred.  It was such an amazingly beautiful day.  The sun was out and the sea was super blue.

If we planned ahead we should have grabbed us a couple of cold alcoholic beverages but instead we had cold fizzy water haha!  It was still an amazing day. I half caught a shark that ended up biting my line and I would have been super impressed with myself too but sadly it wasn't meant to be.  haha.  Poor Uncle Alfred though he was worried about me running out of breath trying to reel the shark in haha!  We did end up catching a few snapper though soo the fishing trip was still amazing, though now I have the fishing bug and told Aunty we need to go again ASAP!

I needed to wear sunblock though as I got pretty burnt but at least it'll brown up soo I won't look so pasty white anymore lol.

I'm Coming Home

Soooo good to be home and back in my own bed!  Ahhh!!  I have missed it on top of also missing Jazz. I have been away for a week and seriously I feel like she's grown up and got way too big in a week lol.

She was happy to see me and never left my side.  Even tried to get into the car when she thought I was going to leave her, poor thing.  Nan and I took our time driving home and also weren't in much of a hurry to leave so it was good to just spend the morning with Aunty Mina relaxing and just being there with her.  I was a little worried about leaving her but with KJ living next door I know she will be okay.

LOVED that when we got home Jazz came running inside wanting to jump up at me. 

It's been such a long week. Tiring. Fun. Sad. Happy.  Soo I'm happy to finally be home and just be able to sleep in my own bed and have an early night totally need it.

Funeral

Today was an amazing day! So many people turned up for the funeral even though we thought there would be hardly anyone.  The crematorium was filled and there were people standing outside.  So many spoke about Cedric, Papa included and it was soo good to hear all of the stories people shared about Cedric.

Neena gave a talk on behalf of Aunty (her Mum) and we had a recording of her daughter singing a song which was beautiful.  I don't think there was a dry eye in the Crematorium once everyone was done with getting up.

Completely different funeral to the funerals I am use to on the Marae but I know that it was what Cedric wanted and I actually really enjoyed it.  It went longer than what we thought it would have gone and towards the end the Celebrant had to ask people to stop getting up to share stories etc hehe. 

After the service was done food and drinks were put on up at the KT and a few people came to that which was really great.  We spent a few hours there with everyone before we all headed up to have drinks at home with the family and also with someone from Aunty's work.  Drinks were on before KJ and I went to get food for us all.  KFC and Indian.  PERFECT food to help soak up the alcohol.

I also had a really amazing chat with Keri-John  and for once got to actually get to know him and chat with him. He and Neeena are a bit older than me and are more Mums cousins but soo good to have been able to spend time with them both. 

Aunty Sharon and J also popped over as well as Aunty couldn't make it to the funeral so nice to be able to see them since they've been away in Australia.  We will see them tomorrow for a long weekend of cards again hehe.

Manged to drink all my cider and my bottle of wine with Neena wanting me to go out again with them ummm no thank I'm way too tired now it's nearly midnight and all I want to do is sleep. Zzzz

Such an amazing day and have LOVED being here so much,.  Part of me is looking forward to getting home but part of me has loved being here and doesn't want to leave.  It's been a really great week even if it has been sad, happy and long.

Family Dinner

Today Nan, Aunty, Neena and I went into town as Nan needed some shoes to wear to the funeral tomorrow, on top of that Aunty also needed something to wear as well soo we hit the shops together which was fun.

Nan managed to get herself some shoes and a really nice jacket, Aunty got herself a jacket and Neena picked up some clothes for her boys soo all in all a good shopping day.

We then hit the supermarket for some food.  We decided we'd have chicken with roast vegetables and salad and enjoy our last night together just spending time as a family.  Managed to get home while I was the one who prepared and got everything ready.  We had the works for dinner and KJ also came over for dinner too soo was nice that we could all sit together as a family ad have a nice meal. 

Funeral day tomorrow so should be a good day.  Have LOVED every minute of being here even the sad moments with Cedric and seeing him take his last breath.  Never seen anyone die before but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be though I'm not sure how I would go if circumstances were different.

Shopping

The downside of being away from home thinking you're only going to be away for a few days means you have to hit the shops for more clothes as washing clothes every other day just isn't good.  Decided to hit the shops and take a break away from home to pick up a few things.  I spent hours away at the shops checking out a few before finding 1 shirt and a dress that I picked up from Postie Plus for $19.  I wish I bought 3 of them as they were on sale down from $70.

Also picked up the tablet for Nan's birthday that we all chipped in and got for her.  It's an awesome tablet and something she will LOVE as sitting at her computer playing FB games can be tiring and slow.  Hopefully she loves her birthday present. 

To be honest, it was good to get out of the house.  Don't get me wrong LOVED being there with everyone but having been there for 5 days straight I needed a change of scenery.  Town was a bit hectic and I managed to get myself lost on the way back. Only I would get lost though lol.

All in all a good day.  Even managed to get a really bad photo in the new dress too hahaha!  I don't even care that my super white legs are showing and my head is all cut off haha!

First Night

It was a really weird/different day today...  Cedric gone. Everyone all sort of quiet but at the same time still sharing funny stories and things about Cedric.  A few people came to visit which was nice.  Some family, some people from Aunty's work.  A couple from her work even came with trays of sandwiches along with cakes/biscuits galore.  WAY too much for but we managed to get through some of them. 

It's been a nice day though just being all together.  Cedric has gone to the undetaker and will at the funeral home where we will be able to go and see him before the funeral Thursday.  It's been delayed a few days because Cedric's other son Ross is on his way over from Australia and can only get here Wednesday.

Aunty Mina seems to be coping okay, well as okay as she can be,  I'm glad that we are all here with/for her as it's going to be a  hard few days for her and everyone. 

Steven has also been visiting and everything is slowly getting sorted for the funeral Thursday.   Cedric didn't want a funeral at all lol.  And honestly if he was here he would be telling everyone off for not cremating him today lol. 

Should be a good next few days and reallly loving being here with family that I don't usually get to see.

Last Breath

Cedric passed away a couple of hours ago.  It was a rough hard time with Neena, Nan and I sitting in the room with him.  He's breathing was really rattly as if he had something stuck in his throat.  His breathing also quick.  For nearly 2 hours it lasted and we knew his heart wouldn't be able to handle it much longer.  Aunty came into the room as well but we knew needed to let her rest as well.

It was 1am when we called Steven (his son) to let him know that it was probably time.  Aunty, Neena and I sat in there room making Cedric more comfortable, well as comfortable as we could.  We sat him up which helped with the rattling in his chest and his throat and within minutes of siting him up he had taken his last breath.

In a way it was sad and we were all upset but at the same time we were also happy that he was now in a better place and that he wasn't suffering anymore.  I honestly think that he needed to be home with all of us and a place he was familiar in.  Things are still fresh and raw for everyone but no one seems to want to sleep right now.  I think it will be another long night but it's so nice that we are all here together.

Steven didn't make it on time as he lives quite far out but I'm glad that he came and still managed to see his Dad and have some time with him.  He and Aunty have been amazing.  Both still working full time and also going to the hospital everyday.  They've been each others rocks I think.  On top of that Steven's wife is also sick so he's having to cope and deal with that too.  Such a tough time for them all.

Best go and spend more time with the family.

Rough Night

Last night was a rough night for everyone.  Between Aunty, Neena, Nan and I we were all taking turns to sit up with Cedric. So many times he wanted to get out of bed and go to the toilet even though he had a catheter in and even though we tried to tell him over and over that he couldn't work and if he tried he would hurt himself. 

Poor thing.  He's also been talking to his "friends" more and more. Taking "food" from them and trying to eat it.  Well, at least to him he is eating it.  We took turns staying up as we knew today would be another night like last night.   Nan and Aunty Mina are sleeping while Neena and I sit here with Cedric watching him sleep and trying to keep him calm all at the same time.  His body doesn't seem to be failing or getting any weaker but we have been giving him more morphine on top; of the machine that gives him drugs to help with the pain.

He's happy to be home even though there are times when he asks where he is but I think he seems a lot more happier to be home with everyone.  Time will tell but for now it's a waiting game and just being here for Aunty and helping out as much as we can. 

Welcome Home

Cedric managed to pull through the night and he's on his way home, well at least later today. He along with everyone else is excited about that.  The last few weeks all he has wanted to do is come home.  We have some people coming in a couple of hours to drop a bed off and an ambulance will be bringing him home around lunchtime.

Nan and I have been getting everything ready for his welcome home.  I think more than anything if he does go it will be better to be home surrounded by family and somewhere where he is familiar with.  On top of that it helps with Aunty Mina not having to sit up and the hospital but rather be here at home where we can all be comfortable.  

Still makes me sad thinking about everything that is going on but happy that Cedric is coming home.

Whangarei

Really long day today.  Nan and I came to Whangarei as Cedric (her brother in law) has been sick and in hospital the last month and a bit.  Things are getting worse and looks as though he may not make it through the night.  We spent most of our day here at the hospital which has actually been really nice.  We've been here with Aunty Mina, Steve and Neena.  As sad as it is with everything going on it's really great to spend time with family.

Cedric didn't seem too bad today though as we all sat up at the hospital with him. He seemed to be his normal self even with his "friends" there that he had with him. Lol.  Who knows what will happen over the next few days but time will tell.  In the mean time make sure you tell the people you care about how much you love them. 

Oh and we totally ate KFC at the hospital lol!  Soo bad and soo good all at the same time lol.  Those poor patients having to smell KFC but after not eating all day we were all hungry. 

11pm Visits

Nan and I were sitting here watching some TV when someone (don't ask me who) just came over and dropped off some fish!  YUM!  I've said it before but love the perks of living here when everyone wants to bring you anything and everything!  Who doesn't LOVE fresh snapper!

Colposcopy what?!

With all of the surgery and issues I had going on way back when I missed out on my routine colposcopy appointment.  Soo Auckland sent me a letter wanting me to go to Kawakawa for the appointment instead this was in September.  Nan and I did the 45 minute drive only to get there and be told oh actually, we aren't going to do a colposcopy so will just do a smear.  Annoying when I could have gone to the Dr if I wanted to have a smear. 

Fast forward to today where I got a letter a little while back to say they had found low grade cancerous cells in  my smear and I needed to go for a colposcopy.  To say I was annoyed was an understatement, Had they have done the colposcopy back in September when they were told too I wouldn't have had to make another trip.  Oh well it's all done and dusted now and I even got an extra smear woo haha! 

Gotta love posts about medical things right??! 

Adele Carpool Karaoke

How amazing is +AdeleVEVO  seriously!!! LOVE this!

TM Update

I'm pretty excited to share my TM update.  I've been just a few days shy of 8 weeks and I've managed to get to 10 ad packs and 3 weeks earlier than I had planned.  Now I have the opportunity to be able to purchase 1 ad pack every 4/5 days.  I have a feeling 2016 is going to be amazing for TM!  Here's hoping.

4 Years

Thanks to FB another memory was shared to my timeline.  I can't believe how fast time has gone.  This photo was also 4 months shy of J and I separating and looking at this photo you can't even tell how sad I was/am.  I did an amazing job of hiding it at times but at the sametime I was soo lucky to have met Mel and Raya who helped keep my mind occupied and helped me to be able to get past J and the whole end of my marriage.  Where has the time gone?!?! 

Birthday

When you're told rather than asked that it's my birthday make me a cake you end up on cake duty for someone... really didn't mind and since they didn't care what cake they'd want and because I wasn't going to go to the supermarket that's a 1 hour round trip I ended up making banana cake icing it with fresh whipped cream and throwing on some Marshmallows to make the numbers. M&Ms would have been so much better but hey you can't be picky when you pretty much demand a cake now can you!  lol.  All in all a good day, great company and I think Reno had a great birthday.. so much so he wasn't even going to share his cake, instead he was going to take it home.  Ummm no way buddy you share that cake I slaved over the stove in the hot gross muggy weather to bake for you.

Juicing

Today I jumped on the juicing bandwagon and picked myself up a juicer... luckily it was only $30 as I have a feeling I may or may not juice as much as I would LOVE too hahah!  Don't want to doubt myself before I even start but after reading up all the great benefits of juicing I thought why not give it ago?  Picked up the Breville Juicer which apparently is meant to be good though I did read reviews that it was rather loud.  As long as it makes juice that's all I really care about.

Wish me luck!

Care Package

This morning I received a package from the amazing Claire at Dom's Kitchen and as soon as they arrived I really wanted to try them however they were solid  They are sample of The Good Stuff Coconut Butters in a mix of flavours.  HUGE fan of PB and Coconut soo why wouldn't I want to try these..  Can't wait!  Come on summer sun melt these babies so I can try them.

Brotherly Love

I miss out on sooo much being away from my family but I am always torn between whether or not I want to live here in the rural far north forever or move to be closer to family once I get better.

Love this video of  my niece and nephew and I can't wait to spend more time with them and see them again, hopefully I don't have to wait 5 million years to see them, on top of that my nephew will be here soon too so I need to make some sort of plan, even if only to visit.

Seriously though, how cute are they?

T.A.B

Ever since I was a kid Papa has always been a bet on the horses kind of man.  He's had big wins, small wins, lost his money most times and today he decided he wanted me to make an investment into his betting fund lol.  I only had $10 on me soo made an "investment" into his betting fund, actually both Nan and I made a $10 investment.  Couple of hours later Papa was headed off to town to cash in on his/our winnings.  My $10 investment made me a $90 profit!  Woop!  If I only had made a bigger investment haha. Such a gambler lol.

Quote

Such an amazing quote and right now in my life a quote that is 100% all of me and where my life is at, at the moment.  I really don't know where I am going but I'm grateful and lucky that I have a home and family who love me that help get me through the rough times.  Also big condolences to David's family (even though I don't know them)

One Year

It's crazy to think back to how this time last year we were enjoying our time together away up in Whatuwhiwhi.  It was one of the BEST holidays I have ever had and it's crazy how much things can and have changed in a year.  I don't regret any of it but it's sad at times to think that this is where or what my life is like at the moment, don't get me wrong I appreciate and LOVE all of the things I do have.   Home. Family. Handful of friends but sometimes I miss the life I had before all of this.  Sometimes even the people who I know part of me knows they're not good for me.

Time to move on and let the past be in the past and remember 2016 is FINALLY going to be MY year!

Mom goes to the VR Dinosaur Museum

This is hilarious!  TOTALLLY love it!

Post Op

Long day today.  Early start with having to drive to Auckland to see the surgeon.  Good drive and not much traffic on the road.  We went the free route through Orewa which was a lot better a more nicer drive.

Appointment went well.  I need more surgery as looking down it's as if no surgery has been done at all.  I will go to Auckland every 2 weeks and have 4 sessions of where they will inject steroids directly into the scar tissue that is holding my vocal cords together.  It will be an intense few weeks but we are hoping that that gives better progress and more of a need for where I don't rely or need the trachy.  At the moment I am still 100% reliant on the trachy so hoping that it comes out or we get to a point where I don't have to rely on it as much as I do at the moment.

 It's really not attractive AT ALL but I thought I really want to take a photo of what my vocal cords look like.  Not good at all.  That small hole is where the air goes through to get into my lungs.  Well it would be if it weren't for the trachy that band underneath is the scar tissue that's holding my vocal cords together.

I'm not sure when it will be but I'm thinking it'll be a couple of months away until I see Jacqui again but we will see in the mean time I enjoy living life here in the far north middle of nowhere no mans land.

Smoked Fish

It was only 3 days ago that someone gave us seafood and today we were given freshly smoked mullet...I probably should have taken a photo before we ate it but Papa was too keen to eat it!  Soo good but I'm not sure all of this free food that people bring us is good for me... how am I meant to drop 20kgs when I'm eating food all the time.

In other news head to Auckland tomorrow to see what other options there are for surgery so here is hoping something good comes of the visit. 

Facebook

According to some random crazy FB app this is what my 2016 is GOING to look like... I would be happy if 2 of the 5 things come true!!  Still the year is only just getting started so who knows what will happen.

In other FB news I really like that they show you your memories.  This one popped up today of one of my BFF's and I after we hadn't seen each other in 2 years!  I LOVE that even though we haven't seen each other in 2 years we can still get together as if nothing has changed!  LOVE friends like that and I'm grateful for the few friends where we have relationships like that.

Low 80s

With all of the festive/new year celebrations now over it's time to try and get more serious with shifting some weight.  I've pretty much been stuck in the low 80's since forever now soo need to try and shift more weight. Or at least try and change up what I am eating because I'm not moving past the 80's just stuck.

Weigh in day though I don't expect to weigh in everyday or even every week just when I want to check up on how my progress is going.. even though I know you shouldn't go my numbers I just can't help myself but I am glad that I'm not one of those people who tend to get all sad sally if I go up or down a lot.  It happens but as long as you keep tying and you look and feel good who cares.  Wait, I care about the  numbers. lol.  My bad about the blurry photo and my feet haha!

Toheroa

I've said it before but one of the amazing things about living here in the far north is that EVERYONE wants to bring you food, mostly seafood but we are lucky that people love us (well my grandparents) enough that they want to bring seafood, vegetables, fruit or anything really to us. 

Today we got given some Toheroa.  They were MASSIVE and of course as is the case I had to take photos though Nan and Papa told me to hurry up as I was taking too long lol.  I didn't care though all I cared about was taking a photo or 3.

My 2016 Goals

  

With 2016 finally here it's time to make those pesky things we like to call Goals... though they say unless you write them down they're either dreams or they're not really going to happen.  Does it count as writing it down if I blog it out? 

No HUGE goals for me this year aside from these very few with a couple of them being ones I may not have any control over but I can only hope things progress. 

1.  Lose another 20kgs ( 44lbs)  give or take some here and there.
2. Have this trachy out or some sort of progress with what is going on and related to this hopefully get more assistance with/through another government agency and not the one I am currently with. 
3. Call and speak with my immediate family members at least once a month. 
4. Get TM going and have at least 10 referrals and 50 ad packs by the end of the year. 
5. Pay off more debt
6. Hopefully be earning enough money to live whether that's from TM or another source of income. 
7. Make more time for the friends/people I do have in my life who actually want to be a part of it

2016 can only get better and I am looking forward to seeing how it progresses.  I can't say right now how I think it will turn out but I can say all I hope is that it is an AMAZING one.

Happy New Year

Can't believe it's 2016!  Nan stayed a wake to see midnight with me but I did cheers to myself with my glass of wine. 

I have a feeling 2016 is going to be amazing and I  have a few plans/goals that I want to work on this year starting with my health... I need to get more into shape but those goals can wait for another day.

Even though 2015 wasn't a bad year I feel that 2016 is going to be the best year yet.  It's been a crazy last 4 years with a major life changing event happening in every year!  This year though my life changing event I want it to be AMAZING and not anything related to health, hospital, lose of a relationship, friends or anything like that! 

Things can only get better!  Let's go 2016!