My Battle

My life is one big huge mess. I feel like any day now everything is going to just collapse down on me.

I met up with my ex husband today and I’ll admit it went a lot better than I thought it would’ve gone. We spent the morning together just talking, it was nice and I missed that about us. He told me he forgave me today which I know would’ve been a huge thing for him. He’s a better person than I am because I don’t know if I would have been able to do the same thing.

Emotionally, I’m not doing ok. I wake up go to work, come home, hang out with my flat mates; then as we all know when it comes time to sleeping I’m awake most of the night talking to friends or playing games on my phone until I’m to tired that I just fall asleep. Its what I do every night. I know it’s not healthy at all but it’s how I’m dealing with everything, or should I say not dealing with everything.

I’m fighting my own battles. A one woman army. Trying to tackle my problems by not really dealing with them is only going to cause me to lose this battle. I know I’ve got people who are helping me to fight this war but I find it so hard to trust and let people in. I know that if I don’t let them in I’m not going to win this race. I need players and I need to be ready to let them in before it all comes crashing down.