Finding Closure

Not sure where to start with this post, but right now all I do know is that I’ve done wrong and I’ve done wrong big, that I can admit. I’ve bought pain to someone and I’m sorry for it. That’s all I can be. Like I’ve said, if a million apologies would help I’d be saying it over and over.

I’ve sat back and watched as you put effort into listings things that we once had together. The remarks and comments from you and people were harsh but I left it and felt, if this was the way you needed to deal with what I had done to you then I’d leave it.

You’re depressed. You’re sorrowful. You’re aching inside. I get it. I did that to you. I’ve hurt you in ways no one should ever have to deal with and again I’m sorry.

Please don’t text me early hours of the morning asking for details about my transgressions because, your words, it only makes you hate me more.

You hating me is understandable. Why would you not hate me? But you asking me for details that will only make you hate me more is only going to lead you down a path that I feel you don’t need to go any further down. What good is it knowing the details? Why torture yourself? What exactly do you want? I don’t understand.

Add up all of the sins that I have done in the past, it doesn’t amount to the judgement I received when all hell broke loose and people found out. No one came running to me from our circle of friends to ask if I was ok. It took over a week for someone to make contact and it wasn’t to ask how I was. We’ve fought about it before and yes I can understand that maybe they feel hurt or betrayed. But is it really about them? Like they say, true friends walk in when the rest of the world walks out, and to be honest i feel like you played a small part in those friends walking out.

There isn’t much more to say. You decided what you wanted and I left in respect of that. We are two seperate people now and I shouldn’t have to tell you about my life anymore. I don’t need to know how you are feeling and I really don’t need to dignify any of your questions with an answer. Your questions are like pouring salt into wounds. We both need to look forward and try to move past this hurt. Nothing good comes from looking backwards

If you need to be in this shell of hurt and defenses right now, that’s up to you, and I’m not stopping you from taking all the time you need.

If or when you want to come out of your shell and talk to me, person to person, I’m here. But I’m not going to help you drag yourself down more.