Green Tomatoes

It's that time of the year again when we can plant our own  vegetables.  Since moving to Whangarei we've downgraded our garden size from that one we had last year soo we only grabbed a few things today. 

Had fun as we do planting everything.  We grabbed a few tomatoes,  peas and some lettuce.  We already planted spinach which is look awesome. Even though I have no clue how to grow things in my own garden I love getting out and helping the grandparents out.  Also gotta love eating your own food rather than the expensive stuff you get from the supermarket. 

Life is great and here's hoping we can get some other things planted soon as well. 

Crossing The Line

Generally I'm not really one to care what people do or who they do but today the grandparents and I were discussing the whole Aaron Smith ordeal.  Both of seemed to have a HUGE opinion on it,  which I'm not sure why but it's fun getting into discussions with them.

Nan seems to think the girl should have just kept her legs closed and that Aaron was/is an idiot.  There were a few other colorful words mixed in there as well but she just seems to think they were both stupid. 

Papa on the other hand.  He talks about people (for a better term of the word... "sleeping around")  like it's a really bad thing and people shouldn't be doing it.  He went on to say it was always said back in the days girls need to learn to not be all in your face.  Lol. 

My grandparents I think grew up in a time where things were always black and white there are no shades of grey.  Guys do outside work. Girls do inside work.  There isn't anything wrong with that but I'm more of a things should be done equally not this is my job this is yours. 

When it comes to Smith and his crazy toilet ventures my grandparents can be quite judgemental.  Things like,  he shouldn't have had sex in the toilet.  He should have kept his pants up.  She should have not been so loose and wanting to get with him. I laugh at how they base their opinions on Smith and this lady on what the media choose to share. 

My feelings on it all is...  Yes what Smith did was bad but it's not the end of the world. I totally get that he's an AB and it's the only reason why it's such a HUGE deal but end of the day everyone makes mistakes.

I also in a way feel bad for the couple who decided to go to the media. For some reason, they chose to watch them,  listen to and then record Smith and this girl having sex or doing whatever it was they decided to do in the toilets.  Now the couple are dealing with the backlash of the whole thing.  I'm not sure why they didn't choose to just leave it but I guess they thought the public "needed"  to know when in reality I don't think anyone would have cared.  Either that or maybe I'm just that small percentage of people that doesn't really care. 

If Smith was just a normal person not an AB or even if he wasn't in uniform would he have been outed?  There's no going back now I just find it weird that everyone was quick to jump on the he shouldn't do that he needs to lead by example because he's a public figure bandwagon.

Nan seemed to think maybe that couple who recorded Smith and this girl should have just shared it with their friends rather than the whole world.  Gosh I love Nan. 

Loving Family

Ended up at the court house with no one wanting to help me because apparently there's no such thing as meeting the duty solicitor until your day in court.  Lucky for me I had Nena who went out of her way to come to the court house and help me out. 

Saw the duty solicitor spoke with him and made a plan for next week because I knew I couldn't make court date.  I'm glad at least when I fly out there won't be a warrant for my arrest.  We don't want to see my photo on Police 10-7 now do we.  Hahaha. 

Pleaded guilty to speeding and now we wait till next Thursday when I find out the outcome of how it goes.  Duty solicitor seemed to think it was as serious of an offense as it could have been so thinks it would most likely be a fine,  demerits and seeing the rest of my 28 days out.  I'm still a little bit worried about it but won't waste my time thinking about it till next week when I call for the outcome. 

Nena and I also went out for coffee which was awesome.  Grabbed myself an ice mocha and a gluten free caramel slice.  Probably not the best food to eat since I'm you know meant to be trying to shift the number on the scales lol but you only live once.  Though really need to get back into it before I'm complaining that I'm the same weight I was a few years back. 

Had an awesome day with Nena and loved that she went out of her way to help me and loved the awesome chat we had as well. 

If there is anything that I'm grateful for with getting sick is being able to spend time with family that I never would have been able too had I not got sick.  I know I wouldn't have come to Whangarei to see family unless I needed too.  Life was always too busy.  Or I always had something more "important"  to do. So I'm glad that being sick has made me realise family is important and the people who will always be there for you.  Loving being able to get to know family I never would have known had it not been for being sick.  I'm also glad that I have a better relationship with Nan and Papa as well.  It almost makes me think I never want to move away from Whangarei ever again haha. 

District Court

After an awesome afternoon with family it ended a bit crazy.  Went down to the Police Station as I needed to make some sort of plan with court as it's next week (when I am away) rather than this week like the officer had told me it was going to be.  Luckily I had double checked the paperwork.  After speaking to an admin lady who to be honest didn't know anything and couldn't really help me told me to go to the court house I quickly rushed home and hoped to make the court house before it shut. 

I won't lie it's a hassle having to get people to take me everywhere but I'm lucky my Papa happily obliges to taking me.  Managed to get to the court house on time before deciding to take legal advise on what my options were  before filling out the paperwork and taking a guilty plea.  I emailed community law who were amazing and got in touch with me straight away.

I've got a few options but for now the best thing for me to do is to get to the court house tomorrow try and see the duty solicitor or the registrar and go from there.  I'm not sure how it's all going to pan out but I've got a few days before I have to be in Wellington just hoping I can get someone who will be understanding with the whole situation.

I never knew going to court was such a huge long process.  Never want to go through this again.  Not just because of the process but because it's a bad situation to be in and things could have been a lot more worse. 

Tomorrow we will see how it all pans out...

Baking for Nikki

J and I had plans of baking a feijoa cake so we took a container of frozen feijoa out of the freezer and left it to defrost so we could get to it after dinner.  Plans changed when we didn't have eggs soo we used the already gross bananas that were way too overripe to eat and decided to make Banana loaf instead.

It's always a mission trying to make something that's healthy while still making it seem like a treat.  We all know I'm not the best baker out so trying to do a healthy balance of both is NEVER easy but a girl can always try right?

We quickly found a recipe and away we went.  I had already decided I was going to sub the sugar in the recipe for raw honey and the vegetable oil for coconut oil.  I wasn't too sure how I was going to go with the swap outs of white flour for almond meal/flour or coconut flour so instead we kept it in.  To be honest,  I probably could have done a quick search but I was already mixing the rest of the ingredients together and I didn't want to make a bland boring cake for everyone.

J had fun mixing and adding the ingredients to the bowl and I'm glad we were able to do some baking together. I do think though her favourite part of it all was eating the batter from the bowl.  Lol.

Even if doesn't look so amazing or like a cake at all lol who doesn't love to bake on a gross wet rainy night like tonight? The main thing is J had fun trying to make something for Nikki which was the only reason she wanted to bake lol.

Name Change

Eleven years ago I married the person I was meant to be with forever and for those who have followed the blog will also know that five years ago my marriage ended.  I never imagined I would be where I am today but like a friend and I both agree on... even though I have "nothing"  to show for the last 5 years I'm a much better person for it.  I've come a very long way in 5 years. I'm more confident.  I stand up for myself.  I'm more open with my feelings and I'm able to recognise (even when it's hard)  that I deserve better.  Sure there are a lot of things that I could still change and do differently or better and I'm slowly getting there it will just take some time. 

In September of 2013 we were coming up on 2 years of separation.  My ex husband had emailed to remind me of this and that he would be visiting NZ and wanted a divorce. The only request that was made from him when we divorced was that I changed my last name. For all of my adult life I had always been Smith and with it being such a common name I didn't see the point in changing it.  I also didn't want to have the hassle of having to change everything because who really wants to have to change ALL of your legal documents back to your maiden name. 

It's now been 3 years since we were officially and legally divorced.  My ex husband has since remarried and I'm still here 11 years on using Smith.  I don't know if it was time that I needed but these last few days and I think mostly in part to meeting Sister Soderberg that I've felt that I need to start fresh.  I need to move on with my life.  Try to be a better person and even though it won't happen overnight I know the only thing I can do everyday is to keep trying. 

It's the last quarter of 2016 and 2017 is literally around the corner. Who knows, maybe starting the new year with a "new name"  will make a huge difference in how my year will be. 

Online changes first and the rest will follow...

Relationships

Relationships of all kinds are always complicated.  There are so many things that could go wrong yet at the same time there are so many things that could go amazingly right. 

I think we all put ourselves out there and hope like hell that we don't get hurt or that we don't hurt someone we care about.  Unfortunately this isn't always the case.  Someone eventually is bound to be hurt whether intentional or not.

I know I've been on both ends of the equation.  I've hurt people and people have hurt me.  I always use to think (and I guess to some degree I still sort of believe it) that, for every time I'm hurt it makes up for the times I hurt people I cared about.  I know that's probably not true but when it's something that happens quite frequently it's hard not to believe it. 

I think one of my biggest down falls which I wouldn't stage is wearing my heart on my sleeve.  I'm a sucker for happily ever afters but at the same time I totally get that they only happen in fairytales and unfortunately my life isn't a fairytale. 

I've often wondered why I fall for or choose the people I do when it comes to building relationships.  I'm not just talking about a romantic relationship but friendships as well and trust me, I've had my fairshare of both. 

I remember seeing an article the other day about relationships and in it they discuss how we as humans are in need of validation and that a lot of relationships are formed more on the basis of emotional dependency than love. I can say for myself personally that's probably true.  I think I rely a lot on people for emotional dependency that to some degree it messes with my emotions.  It makes me see things differently than I normally would if I wasn't so emotionally invested into someone.  If I was to look back at the relationships or friendships that I've had most if not all would have been based on my need to want emotional dependency. 

I'm not saying it's a good or bad thing and I love that I'm aware that it happens and that I let it happen.  I just think that if I really want something more.  A different type of relationship/friendship with someone I need to go about it differently. 

If only life was simple and we could just have someone else make all the hard decisions for us things would be so much easier don't you think?

Just J

This week J started with her new support worker Nikki (she's a human BTW not one of the dogs as someone asked me).  She absolutely LOVES Nikki and from the first day we met Nikki (early last week)  all J could talk about was when she would see Nikki again and if she was going to be coming to dinner with us with Poppa.

J has had an amazing first week with Nikki with walks everyday,  being able to groom the horses,  visiting doggy day care,  walking Parihaka (some of it),  going to LYNKS and spending time with her friends and baking.

Every morning J wakes up and has breakfast before being super early and ready waiting for Nikki to pick her up.  She loves being able to get out everyday and I'm loving how she's so much more comfortable with herself,  getting out and wanting to do more.

Next month LYNKS is going to Wellington for 4 days and J can't wait to go on camp she's even more excited that she gets to go with her 2 best friends Roberta and Monique (pretty sure that's her other BFF).

LYNKS is such an amazing program and I'm so glad that it is available for people with disabilities.  We are so lucky to have the support and help that we do both through LYNKS and with the help we get from Nikki.  I have a feeling J won't want Nikki to leave EVER!  lol.