Rayas Birthday

Some of the crazyness and Yummo food that was at Rayas birthday. Happy 21st.

Mel, One of Rayas Cakes, Mike the Gladiator,  Fairy with her tutu and wand

OMGosh the food at the party totally yummo!!

July Visits

Martin visited on the weekend and we spent a night up north with my Nan which was nice. We did the tourist thing of course and what should've taken us 3 hours to get there took us 5 instead.

We had fun stopping in at Eutopia Cafe for some yummo organic vegetarian food, trying fried broad beans, trying a weird feijoa wine - Nan liked that, me not so much. We had fun in those 24 hours we were up north and did a lot of things well Martin mostly helping Nan with all of her random excel needs lol.

As you do we also stopped in and took photos of the world famous Kawakawa toilets. We were totally tourists as we made our way up North.

We told my Papa when we went up again we'd take him to do the winery tours. Well I will drive them lol. He was happy about that. All in all it was a great weekend and not too long till we go to Wellington. Yay!

Yummo organic dark hot chocolate and vegetable soup along with the lady from the kawakawa toilets

Kawakawa Toilets

Instagram

I've had it for a while now maybe 3/4 months and keep saying 'yes I'll sign up for an account' finally decided today I would sign up for an account.

Waiting for my therapist to arrive I decided to take a photo of the millions of books she has in her office. Not too bad of a photo since it was taken from an iPhone. Really need to invest in another point and shoot camera.

Moving On

I struggle some days wondering whether or not I should get in touch with you.  I wonder what you are doing.  How you are.  If you're doing okay.  I wonder how you would react to where I am in my life right now.  Would you be happy for me?  Sad?  Disappointed?

I miss everything I had then.  My life.  My friends.  You.  I've missed so much these past months.  So much is going on.  Birthdays.  Pregnancies.  Children's milestones.  I miss things about the life I had when I was with you but I'm also happy with where I am right now.

I have new friends, a new life and I have someone who loves me just as much as I love him if not that little bit more hehe.  I'm grateful for the experiences that I have had and am still going through but I'm grateful that at the end of the day I have always had that 1 person who has always been there for me and I'm grateful to her for that. 

As much as I miss my friends and wish things were different with them they won't be and I don't think we will ever get back to that point in our relationship. For now I'll carry with me the memories of the things we did and the moments we shared together and remember the great times we had when things were all "perfect"

Blah!

I guess I don't really know what to think. I'm confused about what to think and feel about the whole situation. I care about him so much that maybe its easier to cool things off a little. It wasn't done intentionally. We really didn't mean to make things awkward but it happened and now I'm unsure how I feel about it.

Feeling a bit blah about everything...what to do what to do

In Loving Memory

It's a sad day today as I bid farewell to my iPhone. We've been through a lot together and now we sadly must part ways.  I'm trying to find out if she can be replaced but for now my phone is in a plastic bag waiting to see if she will be resurrected :(

Family Matters

My cousins Adam and Lani were visiting NZ a couple weeks ago since moving to Australia nearly a year ago and while here they stopped in to pick me up and away we went to the hot pools.

I'll admit it was hard to hang out with them. These were the 2 cousins who came to Auckland at least once a month to hang out with J and I playing buzz junior games till all hours of the morning. It was sad in a way to hang out with them and not have J there. It was as if something was missing from our 'foursome' that it wasn't really the same without J. I thought about him a few times while out with them.

Reminiscing over the fun things we all did together and the adventures we went on. It really was the four of us.

Adam and I caught up on all of the gossip. From family, food, work, boyfriends, lovers, dating and J everything really it's what we do.

It was hard talking about J and it still is hard to talk about him but I'm getting there and slowly learning to open up and push past it all. Slow and small steps. Seeing Dolly really helps and I'm grateful to have her as one of my people. She helps me to answer or ask myself questions I might not have thought of.

Things are slowly starting to look up for me and I'm trying to let go of the past and move on with my life. Work is great and keeps me busy. What more could I ask for right now?

I've got great friends, a family who have been supportive of me throughout the whole J situation. I've been adopted into 2 awesome families who help keep me somewhat sane and grounded when my own immediate family isn't here. Things really are great right now.

Then there is Milla who has been there for me year after year after year. She's my person and the one who at 4am wouldn't be surprised to receive a text from me. The one I always went to for advice, to complain too, share my secrets with and after all of these years it amazes me we still haven't met yet can still manage to tell each other everything. Weirdos. Lol.

On top of all of that I also have Martin. My best friend and my lover. He's been my other person these past several months and I don't know what I'd have done without him. I'm grateful to have him in my life and as we move on I look forward to seeing what happens in the future.

I love my life now bring on the rest of 2012!

Happy Birthday

For the last 8 birthdays I celebrated with J and/or family and not having either of them here I was in someway worried about the day. I wasn't really looking forward to celebrating without any family here and wondered what it would be like.  My first birthday not with J or family. 

I really didn't have anything to worry about. I got a midnight happy birthday phone call from Martin. I woke up to texts and FB messages from friends and family. I received 5 birthday cards from Martin. Lunch date with Raya then I had an awesome dinner with Lee-Anne and the Rodings.

I really felt spoilt today and I'm so grateful to have people in my life who are all now like family too me. I'm grateful for the people who took time out to welcome me to their family and make my birthday feel special for me.

All in all it was a better birthday than I thought it would be. Looking forward to next years birthday for sure. So much can change in a year. :)