It was a long and hard process for me to finally have the courage to come out and say that I had feelings for him and needed to start letting go.
A few months of running it through my mind, with girlfriends and my therapist I just wasn't ready. I always knew that eventually I would have to say something and every time I felt like I had the courage too I backed out.
I was scared I guess. Scared that if I said something it would ruin our relationship. That it would end up being awkward and to be honest, I wasn't ready to not have him in my life. I'm still not ready, but I know that emotionally its unhealthy for me.
It's been hard to control the urge to not text or call him and tell him about my day or hear about his but I'm proud of myself.
I know that to some people it's not a huge deal but to go from talking or texting almost everyday the past 7 months to cutting back, it's hard.
I'm ready to slowly move on and let go but I'm also ready to start working through more of my issues with my therapist. Seriously, anyone not in therapy I would totally recommend it. I love it. :)
I'm tired of riding this 'emotional roller coaster' and really want to get off but it just hasn't stopped at my stop yet. Not sure how long it's going to be until I can get off but in the mean time, I'll be the best support person I can be for the others on this ride and when it comes to their stop I'll be sure to be the person cheering the loudest.
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