My 2011

2011 has been a lot of things for me. Its been a mix of happy, sad, angry, tearful, love, hate, depression and SO much more.

So much has gone on this past year and these past 3 months have been some of the hardest months this year.

I’m grateful that just this past month I made the decision to go back and see Dolly. I’ll admit it’s been so much easier having her as one of the constant things in my life this past month. I’ve felt so lost and confused about my life and at times I’ve felt torn between doing what’s ‘right’ and what the best thing to do for me is.

I’m looking forward to a new year. To seeing what the new year has in store for me. It’s time to slowly move on with my life and not be afraid of letting people go or letting new people in. I know right now I’m not ready for a relationship but when I am, I want to be ready and be able to give all of myself to someone. Someone who I can be myself with. Who will love me for me and not judge me based on my past.

2012 is going to be the start of a new journey for me. Moving on and upwards.

Blah

My life is one big huge pile of mess and I have no idea how to stop from drowning in it all. I did all of this myself I know this much. I hurt the one person who would’ve done anything for me. I’m in a place where I have no family, no job and while looking for a job and even with interviews coming up that doesn’t help with the right now situation where right now I still need to pay money to people who need it. I don’t expect a hand out at all I’m ok to help myself just feel so overwhelmed with everything that is going on in my life. Sometimes I wished I’d moved to Australia but despite everything that’s going on right now I love New Zealand and I’m not going to run away from my problems. I just need to find a way to make things all work for everyone.

Christmas

I really did get spoilt this year with Christmas gifts. I’ll be honest and say I wasn’t really looking forward to the holidays. Being recently seperated from my husband and not having any family members around made for a harder Christmas but I’ve had such an awesome morning.

I love my new family and I’m so grateful to have all of them in my life.

Looking forward to 2012 an hoping it’s a better year.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Christchurch

This past weekend I spent my first weekend in Christchurch.  I had never been to the South Island before and apart from being able to see Martin I was also excited to say I'd finally been to the south Island.

Even though it was December I was still worried about it being cold and made sure to take more clothes than necessarily needed.

I had no expectations of Christchurch and deep down I hoped an earthquake doesn't hit while I am there but thankfully I didn't feel anything.

We had a lot of fun together this past weekend and Martin made sure to show me the sites and take me all of the cool markets and fun things to see and do in Christchurch.  We as always made sure to eat lots of yummo food.  You'd thing with all these photos the only things we did was eat food but we always have fun when we're with each other.

We also met up and hung out with one of my friends Serena who was down there visiting her Dad and her family so it was really nice to see and spend time with her.  We all went together to look at Cathedral Square.  I had so much fun on this past visit and I'm looking forward to being able to see more of Christchurch again soon.