Children

The kids hanging out after school in front of the heater while watching some random art thing on TV. Oh the joys of being a kid again.

Seven Years On

I remember it like it was yesterday some days. It was labour weekend of 2003. I had just come out of a relationship when I met you.

It was very much a courting process for us. We spent the next few months talking online and going on dates before we made it 'official' in February the following year.

We had our issues as most couples do and you were the person who was there through the whole court process. I always thought that going through that meant we'd be able to get through anything.

April 2005 and we're finally engaged!

We spent the next 3 months planning what was meant to be our forever after. Back and forth we were with jewelers, dress makers, invitation people, photographers. It was all we did in our free time. It wasn't a stressful process for us but we were looking forward to spending eternity together.

July 30th 2005 and our day was finally here. I was an hour late and I remember you always giving me grief for that. I made up for it by saying it was tradition that the bride was late :)

It was such an awesome day and I was the happiest person in the entire world. I was looking forward to spending the rest of eternity with you and being your wife.

Unfortunately things changed. I know that I'm partly to blame for everything that happened in our relationship. I know I pushed you away and made it hard for you to trust me. We really did try but I think there was a part of me that just wasn't sure. I didn't know anything else before you. You were my life. I was selfish at times and didn't want it to end because what would I do without you?

I don't know how many times I can say I'm sorry for everything that happened in our marriage. For all the hurt and pain that I caused you. The endless amounts of councilling that you had to endure. The late night fighting sessions. I know you didn't deserve any of it.

As we approach what would've been 7 years of marriage I just hope that in these last 10 months of separation that you've managed to at least some what heal and sort out your life. You really do deserve to be happy and as hard as it will be tomorrow for both of us I am thinking about you and hope you're ok.

Nothing I can say will take back anything that has ever happened but we can only learn from our mistakes and move on. Sometimes the memories will stay but eventually it'll fade along with the pain.

I'm sorry that we have to spend what was meant to be a day of celebration alone and not together like it should have been.

Rayas Birthday

Some of the crazyness and Yummo food that was at Rayas birthday. Happy 21st.

Mel, One of Rayas Cakes, Mike the Gladiator,  Fairy with her tutu and wand

OMGosh the food at the party totally yummo!!

July Visits

Martin visited on the weekend and we spent a night up north with my Nan which was nice. We did the tourist thing of course and what should've taken us 3 hours to get there took us 5 instead.

We had fun stopping in at Eutopia Cafe for some yummo organic vegetarian food, trying fried broad beans, trying a weird feijoa wine - Nan liked that, me not so much. We had fun in those 24 hours we were up north and did a lot of things well Martin mostly helping Nan with all of her random excel needs lol.

As you do we also stopped in and took photos of the world famous Kawakawa toilets. We were totally tourists as we made our way up North.

We told my Papa when we went up again we'd take him to do the winery tours. Well I will drive them lol. He was happy about that. All in all it was a great weekend and not too long till we go to Wellington. Yay!

Yummo organic dark hot chocolate and vegetable soup along with the lady from the kawakawa toilets

Kawakawa Toilets

Instagram

I've had it for a while now maybe 3/4 months and keep saying 'yes I'll sign up for an account' finally decided today I would sign up for an account.

Waiting for my therapist to arrive I decided to take a photo of the millions of books she has in her office. Not too bad of a photo since it was taken from an iPhone. Really need to invest in another point and shoot camera.

Moving On

I struggle some days wondering whether or not I should get in touch with you.  I wonder what you are doing.  How you are.  If you're doing okay.  I wonder how you would react to where I am in my life right now.  Would you be happy for me?  Sad?  Disappointed?

I miss everything I had then.  My life.  My friends.  You.  I've missed so much these past months.  So much is going on.  Birthdays.  Pregnancies.  Children's milestones.  I miss things about the life I had when I was with you but I'm also happy with where I am right now.

I have new friends, a new life and I have someone who loves me just as much as I love him if not that little bit more hehe.  I'm grateful for the experiences that I have had and am still going through but I'm grateful that at the end of the day I have always had that 1 person who has always been there for me and I'm grateful to her for that. 

As much as I miss my friends and wish things were different with them they won't be and I don't think we will ever get back to that point in our relationship. For now I'll carry with me the memories of the things we did and the moments we shared together and remember the great times we had when things were all "perfect"

Blah!

I guess I don't really know what to think. I'm confused about what to think and feel about the whole situation. I care about him so much that maybe its easier to cool things off a little. It wasn't done intentionally. We really didn't mean to make things awkward but it happened and now I'm unsure how I feel about it.

Feeling a bit blah about everything...what to do what to do

In Loving Memory

It's a sad day today as I bid farewell to my iPhone. We've been through a lot together and now we sadly must part ways.  I'm trying to find out if she can be replaced but for now my phone is in a plastic bag waiting to see if she will be resurrected :(